Must Kill Moe

http://youtube.com/watch?v=EkYThHk-xP4

The library booktruck definitely steals the scene.

Top 10 Dreamiest Sea Captains

In an odd three-way phone conversation a couple of weekends ago Alfie, Katie and I came to the conclusion that there are an unusually large number of dreamy sea captains out there in Fictionland and that it was our duty to make a list of them. So we brainstormed up a big list of all the sea captains we could think of, and I bring you the shortlist, which is partially defined by how dreamy they are and partially by whether or not YouTube had any footage of them. Unfortunately many fine captains (such as Cary Grant in Operation Petticoat and Mr Katanga from Raiders of the Lost Ark) were sunk due to their lack of YouTube presence. :(

According to Wikipedia:

A nautical "captain" may be a civilian with a master's license or a naval commissioned officer of any rank.

For the most part I have stuck to people with the title "Captain" (or who held that title at some point in the movie/series) but all of them should fit the Wikipedia definition of the word. I threw in an honorable mention at the end who doesn't fit but is dreamy nonetheless.

10. Cap'n Crunch
Pro: He has the endorsement of Steve from The Sneeze. Con: What kind of title is Cap'n? Is he even a real sea captain? Did he cheat his way onto this list? Also, I'm not sure I've ever even eaten his cereal.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ILr8l4rbr70

9. Captain McAllister, The Simpsons
Like Comic Book Guy, he has a real name but no one uses it. He's only #9 because "Yarrrrrrrrr, [he's] not attractive."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1a18FbQ_EIY

8. Captain, The Impostors
He doesn't have a name. He hardly even shows up in the trailer (he's at 0:46 and 1:06). But he's kind of cute, if you like Allen Corduners.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xk_IANSk9AQ

7. Captain Jack, The Office ("Booze Cruise")
Now it's time for the DANCE CONTEST!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2SrBKMr0zU

6. Horatio Hornblower, Horatio Hornblower
I have to admit I've never seen the series, but I have seen Ioan Gruffudd and that's good enough for me! Katie suggested Gregory Peck as Hornblower, but I couldn't find any videos on YouTube of him, so Gruffudd it is. This video would have been a lot better, though, if Hornblower had shot someone with a cannon... who then shot someone else with a cannon... then someone else came in the room and they both shot him with cannons... then some other people came in the room and shot each other with cannons...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pEAkyuzRDqU

5. Captain Jack Sparrow/Captain Barbossa/Norrington/Will Turner, Pirates of the Caribbean
There are a lot of ships in these movies and a lot of people to captain them. Let's throw them all in at #5. I have conspicuously left out Davy Jones because his tentacley face creeps me out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MSRbL47MV70

4. Captain Von Trapp, The Sound of Music
This is mostly a concession to Alfie, as I am not a huge Captain Von Trapp fan. Maybe that's because nowhere in my youth or childhood did I ever do anything good.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYmEue9XEvg

3. The Pirate King, Pirates of Penzance
The boots. And the tight pants. And the dancing and singing and such. Hee.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKNguiWZab8

2. Captain Wentworth, Persuasion

"I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant. You alone have brought me to Bath. For you alone I think and plan. Have you not seen this? Can you fail to have understood my wishes? I had not waited even these ten days, could I have read your feelings, as I think you must have penetrated mine. I can hardly write. I am every instant hearing something which overpowers me. You sink your voice, but I can distinguish the tones of that voice when they would be lost on others. Too good, too excellent creature! You do us justice, indeed. You do believe that there is true attachment and constancy among men. Believe it to be most fervent, most undeviating, in

F. W.


"I must go, uncertain of my fate; but I shall return hither, or follow your party, as soon as possible. A word, a look will be enough to decide whether I enter your father's house this evening or never."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESJaHxSMhMw

1. Captain Gregg, The Ghost and Mrs Muir
No one is as ornery as Rex Harrison! Half the time you would want to punch him and half the time you would want to kiss him. But he's a ghost so you can't do any of that.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zN6S6FwT5HM

Honorable Mention: Han Solo, Star Wars
He's not a sea captain, but he's a captain and he's from Corellia, which starts with C. C is for Corellia - that's good enough for me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgwZEi17in0

Many thanks to my collaborators my collaboratrixes my collaboratrices my fellow list-brainstormers. Now bring on the objections and the shouting that I forgot someone very dreamy!

Bloodhound Gang - Ralph Wiggum - by lemur -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sorIJekdcgo

The greatest Ralph-Wiggum-themed song of all time!